


Five Murderers and a Kidnapper Walk Into a Bar

by bluebox_dragon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, M/M, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 15:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebox_dragon/pseuds/bluebox_dragon
Summary: Lance loved his life in The City. He had (mostly) amazing roommates, a slightly boring job, and a very engaging hobby. He had (mostly) mundane problems, like loud neighbors, annoying customers, and an actually intelligent Detective, Thace.He wasn't going to get caught, none of them would. The Detectives might be smart, but they were smarter. They never left witnesses, they never left evidence, and they always got popsicles afterwords.





	1. Keith Goes Bump In The Night

**Author's Note:**

> This story is not beta-read, so any and all mistakes are my own.  
> Criticism is welcome!
> 
> This story will involve lots of violence, mental illness problems, and characters glorifying killing, death, etc.

Lance was woken by a crash from the kitchen. Not particularly surprising, as he had five roommates, and none were particularly careful about being quiet while others were sleeping. Another bang had Lance slipping out of his bed and poking his head out into the common area of the apartment.

“Is your goal to wake up as many people as possible?” He called. It was dark, so he didn’t actually know which of his roommates had caused the commotion.

“No. And it’s none of your business what I’m doing.” Came the reply. So the offender was Keith, arguably the grumpiest, mopiest roommate Lance had the absolute pleasure of sharing space with.

“You do realize I never asked what you were doing, Mullet?” There was no reply from Keith. Lance revised his internal title for Keith to ‘grumpiest, mopiest, broodiest’ roommate.

Lance flicked the light switch on the nearest wall, so that he could place Keith, and give him the full extent of a patented Lance McLean Stare. As expected, Keith glared right back, after a few seconds of blinking in the sudden light. Staring contents like these were common, neither backing down, even in inconvenient locations or times. That was the price of a glorious rivalry. Well, Lance thought it was a rivalry, Keith mostly just refered to it as Lance bothering him.

The light had also revealed what Keith had been doing to make such a racket, cleaning apparently, if the bleach bottle and soapy sponge were anything to go by.

Their staring match would have gone on longer, Lance was prepared, he would outstare Keith no matter what, if they hadn’t been interrupted by a the entrance of a third person

“Will you all shut up? I have two experiments going right now, and I need to get up tomorrow morning!” Pidge had joined them in the common space, getting on tippy toes to shove her face right in Lance’s.

Lance scoffed, “Like you were even asleep, Frankenstein.”

“Well I could’ve been asleep. Will you be quiet?”

“I’m not even the one making noise! Blame Mullet over there, he’s the one who decided to do dishes at,” He checked the kitchen clock, “2:30 in the morning.”

“It's not that outrageous to blame you for any noise, Mr. I’m Gonna Blast Music, But Only Past Midnight.” Apparently Pidge was tired, she generally only brought out lame insults when she was sleep deprived or stressed. Usually insults, lame or otherwise, were his thing.

Keith chose this moment to clear his throat and gesture to the door behind where Lance and Pidge were standing. Lance hadn’t noticed it open while they had been decidedly not whispering, despite the late hour. They had definitely made a mistake. There, in all his pajamaed glory, was Shiro, and he did not look happy.

“If you want to be out here making noise, than you can help Keith clean up.” And there was the disappointed dad look, Lance was pretty sure Shiro could use that look to get just about anyone to do just about anything. Pidge chose his pause in speaking to dive back into her room, closing the door loudly.

“Oh thanks Pidge, leave me to clean up Mullet’s mess!” He called through her door, and got only muffled snickering in return.

“Oh, well thank you for volunteering Lance, get on it.” Shiro pushed him towards the kitchen area, and placed a sponge in his hand.  
“You boys better have this all clean by morning.” Then Shiro turned on Keith, “Didn’t we have a talk a couple weeks ago about making less of a mess?”

Keith shrugged and turned back to the sink, leaving Shiro to give Lance a slightly sympathetic nod, and turn back to his room.  
Keith was back to scrubbing at something in the sink, and since he appeared to have everything covered, Lance hopped up on the counter and settled in.

“So,” he drew the word out until Keith turned around to glare at him, “What are we cleaning?”

Keith sighed and gestured to the leather carry case next to the sink, where most of a set of knives were laying. Every last knife was covered in dark crimson. The carry case was soaked, and the blood was dripping onto the counter. Lance’s heart dropped. Mouth open, gaping a little bit. Had Keith really?

“My god, Keith.” Lance started, but Keith just picked up one of the knives and dropped it into the sink, turning the bleach-water pink. So Lance continued.

“Did you really need to use all of the knives?”


	2. Pidge Is Preparing For The Science Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Det. Thace is on the job, and Pidge follows the scientific method (usually).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we meet all the characters!  
> Again, not beta-read. All mistakes are mine, I claim them.

Detective Thace was somewhat of a celebrity in his precinct. Highest arrest rate, highest close rate, and fewest complaints. He seemed to have a nose for finding suspects, and was very competent in the interrogation room. 

 

Or at least, he used to be good at finding suspects and killers. It wasn’t uncommon for murders to occur, being in one of the countries largest cities, but serial killers are definitely uncommon, and at the moment, he had four open serial killer cases. He hadn’t been thinking of any cases as he made his way into the building, instead choosing to plan supper for the week; he was probably going to need to go to the store.

 

“Detective!” His partner, Det. Ulaz, was waving him down, with coffee in one hand and a case file in the other. “Don’t bother putting you bags down, Red dropped another body last night. Kid named Grace Voittaja.”

 

Red, one of the elusive killers he had the anything but easy task of tracking down.

 

“Same as usual?” He asked, taking the case file from his partner.

 

“Yeah, new warehouse, but initial M.E. reports says its the same knives, and the carvings look to be consistent with his other work.” Ulaz handed over the pictures from the crime scene.

 

“They check for prints? Trace DNA?” At this point, he didn't have much hope for trace evidence, Red was good. He wore generic gloves, wiped his footprints, and had to be wearing clothes that cover his whole body, including head, because they never even found any hair.

 

“Not so far boss. We still have crime scene techs analyzing the place, but so far they’ve come up with nothing.” Ulaz didn't look too hopeful either, “M.E. report should be out soon though, maybe something will be different this time.”

 

Thace sighed, and started back towards the doors he had just entered through.

 

“I highly doubt it Ulaz, I highly doubt it.”

 

 

 

———————————————

 

 

Breakfast was always  an affair when both Lance and Keith were home. Generally, breakfast was a meal that Pidge skipped, but passing up on the two of them fighting was not something she was willing to do. As expected the kitchen was slightly chaotic when she finally walked out of her room. Hunk was at the stove making what smelled suspiciously like French toast, while Shiro made coffee on the next counter over. Lance and Keith were both at the table, sitting opposite each other and apparently having a staring contest.

 

“Keith, coffee or tea?” Shiro was holding two mugs up for Keith to choose from, and when Keith looked over to choose, Lance jumped up in victory.

 

“Coffee please,” Apparently Keith was set to ignore Lance’s victorious crowing. Pidge always thought it was funny that they still had these staring contests, nine times out of ten, Lance won. But it was slightly amusing to see his hotdoging about  children’s game. 

 

“Pidge! Did you see that win? That wondrous victory?” Lance had turned his attention to her now, clearly searching for praise. 

 

“I saw nothing,” Maybe pissing off the guy with an arsenal to rival the United States Army was a bad idea, but she was like, sixty percent sure she could take him in a fight. 

 

“Lies! You definitely saw my win. Come on! Admit it,” fortunately for her, his tirade of self praise was interrupted by the entrance of their last roommate. 

 

“Princess, would you like coffee or tea?” Shiro always called Allura Princess, Pidge wasn’t quite sure why, but she suspected it had something to do with the time both of them spent involved with gangs. 

 

“Tea would be lovely Shiro!” Allura grabbed the cup of tea handed to her and sat down at the table next to Pidge. A plate of frenchtoast was set in front of them by Hunk, Pidge loved frenchtoast days. Frenchtoast is the perfect way to start any day, and she had lots of plans.

 

Once everybody had taken a seat and the table and served themselves, Shiro put his elbows on the table and leaned forwards.

 

“So, what’s everyone doing today? Anything that requires my help?” Shiro was looking for something to do, generally good for them, but bad for the general public.

 

“Nah, I did my thing last night, think I'm gonna sleep today,” Keith looked slightly apologetic, but mostly just tired. Lance and Hunk also declined the offer, citing classes and work, both sounded much more upset about declining than Keith.

 

“I’m still working on the same experiment, need a couple more days worth of data,” Pidge’s experiments didn’t last too long, but she generally didn’t need more than one specimen at a time.

 

“I could use your skill set Shiro,” Allura said, and moved her chair closer to Shiro’s, “I think I want to try out a  newcontainer. We could head down by the park later.”

 

Shiro grinned, “How would you feel about waiting till tonight? There’s a new night club I’ve been wanting to try out?”

 

Having cleaned her plate, and not being needed in the conversation, Pidge stood and dropped her dishes in the sink. She had places to be, and experiments to check on.

 

 

————————————————

 

Her first stop was to the university lab that she was working in. She just needed to grab a battery, and drop some paperwork off for her professor. Her second stop was the one that she looked forward to. The warehouse that she kept her experiment in was close to the waterfront and smelled strongly of dead fish, but it deterred random passers by from entering, so she didn’t complain.

 

Her cell phone went off as she was opening the third lock on the warehouse door. The caller ID stated that it was Matt.

 

“Hi, kinda busy right now.” She answered the phone.

 

“Aw, Pidgey! You always have time for me.” Matt, with all of his snarky glory was getting in the way of her morning plans.

 

“Well, not now. I’m in my lab.” And she had things to do. She needed to get this experiment over soon.

 

“The University lab? Or the other lab?”

 

“The other one, but I’ll be switching labs soon, I’m almost done with this one. I’ll call you later, love you!” She hung up the phone before Matt could’ve responded.

 

Pidge moved further into the warehouse, towards the lab she had set up. It was a good lab, most of the buildings she worked out of were not up to her standards, but she liked this one, it was a shame she needed to move soon. Her specimen was in the middle of the room, surrounded by her equipment. It truly was a perfect experiment. She moved to the center of the room, too stand and admire her work.

 

“Hello Haxus, how are you doing today?” He struggled against the rope holding him in place, muffled noises came from behind the gag.

 

“That good?” She sighed, “I’ll have to try harder." She turned up the electric current.


	3. Shiro Makes Friends In Bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ulaz goes to his second crime scene in as many days, and Shiro is living a double life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still isn't being edited, but I like it that way.

CHAPTER THREE

Saturday Morning, 9:30 am

 

Det. Ulaz had never particularly liked going to crime scenes. They were always tragic, and working homicide, they were usually bloody as well. Overall, he enjoyed his job, he liked putting the criminals behind bars, and the closure that he could ring to the families of the victims. 

 

The crime scene that he was standing in front of was no where near the worst he had seen. There was no blood, no open wounds on the victim, just electrical burns that covered most of the skin he could see.

 

“Ulaz! What do we have?” His boss, Thace, was heading towards him, with the M.E. in tow. 

 

“Male victim, early to mid thirties. Found this morning by a group of teens looking to use the building for a party.” The kids were still at the scene being interviewed. 

 

“Hm. Look like anyone we know?” This wasn’t the first person they had found strung up in a warehouse.

 

“We won’t know until we the tox screen back, but I have a feeling we will be finding a lot of scopolamine in this guys system.” He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he trusted his gut.

 

“You think this is Green?” His boss didn’t look too surprised, so Ulaz only nodded. Green was tricky guy, taking victims irregularly and keeping them strung up in warehouses for up to three weeks. It almost seemed like he was experimenting on his poor victims. 

 

“Well, I guess we should take a look around shouldn’t we?” Thace grabbed a pair of gloves from the crime scene techs, and tossed another pair to Ulaz. 

 

“I’ll start with the-“ Ulaz was cut off when his phone started ringing, “Boss, can I grab this its my boyfriend. He slept over last night, so he might be having a problem with something at my apartment”

 

“Go ahead, but I want the outer tape section cleared as soon as possible.” He didn’t sound upset, Ulaz knew that Thace actually liked his boyfriend —after the thorough background check, ‘You can never be too careful kid.'

 

His phone had stopped ringing, so he dialed his boyfriends number.

 

“Hello?” He picked up after only one ring.

 

“Hey Shiro, you called?”

 

———————————————————————

Saturday Morning, 12:30 am

Unlike some of his roommates, Shiro felt no need to excuse his actions. He wasn’t like Lance who felt justified in the fact that every person that he had shot deserved it, or like Pidge who who felt that the suffering of a few to push along scientific discovery was justifiable. 

 

No, Shiro knew that what he did was wrong, but at this point he didn’t quite have the will to care. At least he wasn’t a murderer. He was a killer, yes, but he wasn’t a murderer. He had never once killed any of his victims, no, he passed them along to his roommates, keeping them supplied with endless victims. He was good at what he did; drugs, ruses, cons, he had used every trick in the book to lure victims into his traps. He kept them quiet until one of the others claimed them, and took them off.

 

He would find test subjects for Pidge, luring them out of bars at all hours of the morning.

He brought bad men, abusers and drunks, to secluded alleys for Lance to do target practice.

He found sorority girls for Allura to bind up and place in increasingly clever (and small) containers.

He brought Keith anybody else, and Keith would carve his artwork into the skin of his victims.

Hunk hadn’t needed his help in a long time, instead Hunk chose victims of opportunity, drugged drinks and poisoned lunches. 

 

He made sure that they all cleaned up their messes. He made sure that they kept their faces off of security cameras, and he made sure that there was nothing that could connect any of them to their victims.

 

He was in a club with Allura, casing a group of college age girls who had had way to much drink, and wouldn’t notice for a while if one disappeared. 

 

“The one in the pink shorts.” Allura hissed in his ear, “She would be perfect. Can you do it?”

 

“You doubt me?” Of course he could grab her. He was the best at what he did, he could grab the president if he wanted. All he had to do was get close enough to buy the girl a drink, and he didn’t use date rape drugs, the quick tests that had been done on drinks he bought girls never turned up anything.

 

As Allura turned and wandered out of the club, he walked towards the bar, where the girl was leaning heavily against the bar. He smiled at her, turned on the charm.

 

“Hi, have you ordered yet?” He flashed another grin at her, and she smiled back.

 

He had this in the bag, metaphorically of course.

 

—————————————————

 

He had delivered Allura’s package by two in the morning, leaving him wide awake and with nothing to do for the rest of the night. He considered going back to the apartment, but he didn’t want to risk waking up any of the others, both Hunk and Lance had to work in the morning.

 

He pulled out his phone and pulled up his boyfriends number. He did think it was ironic that he was dating a cop, but in his defense he hadn’t known Ulaz’s profession when they had met, and it did help him stay on top of the investigations into each of his friends.

 

**2:34 am SHIRO: Hey babe, you awake?**

 

**2:36 am ULAZ: i am now**

 

**2:36 am SHIRO: Can I come over? Went out with my roommate, can't sleep now**

 

**2:37 am ULAZ: sure my appt doors unlocked just come in**

 

**2:37 SHIRO: A cop with an unlocked door? Tsk tsk**

 

**2:38 ULAZ: have a gun s’all good**

 

 

It only took him five minutes to walk to Ulaz’s apartment. The door was unlocked like Ulaz had said, so he went straight to the bedroom.

 

“Hey, it’s me," He slipped off his shoes.

 

“Hey,” Ulaz shifted over on the bed, so that there was room for Shiro to lay down next to him.

 

“Do we get to sleep in tomorrow?” Shiro hoped that they could, lazy mornings with Ulaz were the best, and since he’d done his work earlier that night, he wouldn’t have anything to do the next day.

 

“We should be able to, unless I get called to a crime scene.” Ulaz sounded tired, and interrupted his sentence more than once with a yawn. 

 

“Mm, we’ll make pancakes tomorrow.” Shiro was definitely not as wide awake anymore. He was warm and comfortable cuddled up behind Ulaz, so he let himself follow his boyfriend into sleep.


End file.
